Ticktock, ticktock....

Of all the words I'd like to write today the ones I'd most like to be writing are:

“Happy Birthday Darrell

I Love You!”

-Me-

I'd love to be teasing him about turning 69 years old and how he is now pushing 70. But, he will be forever 68.

In the 5 months since his passing, time continues to march ever onward. There are days that if feels as if time stands still and the clock seems to slowly beat off the seconds, ticktock, ticktock. And yet, the days have some how quickly moved into months. Life is like the stream that starts as a trickle and then builds into a mighty river full of living things and ever moving to its destination. Like the small stream I am still trying to find my way around the rocks and obstacles in my path.

Today I will reflect on our life together and quietly celebrate his birth and remind myself of the wonderful 24 birthdays I shared with him.

Darrell was born at home in a little white house near Chisholm, Minnesota. It's hard to imagine that he was 12#'s at birth because he was always so slender. His parents, Tony and Ellen, had been expecting a girl (why I don't know) and had picked out the name Darlene. So when a bouncy baby boy was born no name had been chosen. Looking through the comics, Ellen found a name that she liked; Darrell would be the name she gave him and Victor as his middle name after her father. He once told me that he was so fat that his mother would not let anyone see him. If a visitor came wanting to see the new baby she would tell them that she just got him to sleep and would prefer not to wake him. I always thought that this was one of his stories until his Mom verified it to me. She said he was so fat that all he had were little slits for eyes.

One of my favorites was his 50th, which he insisted that he was going to help plan. Little did he know that behind the scenes a surprise would be in the works. After weeks of secret phone calls to his daughters and to his family in Minnesota, a plan was devised to have some special guests at his party. I was so excited, I really don't know how I kept the secret from him. No, it was not a celebrity, but, rather people who much more important to him. His Mother, Sister and Brother and their spouses would fly in from Minnesota for this monumental birthday the day before the party. But, how would I feed all of them without him wondering what I was up to. Darrell made great spaghetti, so his oldest daughter and I came up with a plan. She would ask him if he would teach her how to make his special sauce and of course he wouldn't turn her down. So that afternoon the two of them made a huge batch of spaghetti, some of which he thought we would freeze. Now the next hurdle was how to get him out of the house so we could sneak his family in. So a neighbor and I came up with a plan for her to call and ask him to come over because she thought she smelled gas. As soon as I heard that they were within a few blocks I called her with a prearranged signal. Off he went and in they came – I had them sit around our dining room table, which is not visible from the front door, and we waited for his return. The excitement of this surprise was building as we watched him come from down the street. But, as usual he stopped to shoot the breeze with another neighbor. When he finally came through the door I yelled for him to come help me in the dining room. I'll never forget the look on his face. I think he thought he was having a hallucination. He fell back against the counter in shock and we all thought he was going to pass out. I don't think if he had won the lottery it would have been any better of a surprise. For his party his youngest daughter rented him a snazzy tuxedo – gosh he was so handsome and so very happy. I don't remember much about the actual party, but, I will never forget how thrilled he was to celebrate this very special birthday with his Mom.

When we visited Minnesota last summer Darrell said that he wanted to see the house he was born in again and the farm where his grandparents had lived. Sometimes I wonder in all the years we went there on vacation why this was the first time he ever mentioned going there. I'm so glad that I was able to share that with him and the memories he shared with me as we drove through the country. He talked about his grandparents, who only spoke Finnish, and how he wished he could have been able to talk to them. He spoke of summers spent at their farm and how he and his siblings would wake up and start hollering: “Grandma, pancakes.” A special day and a sweet memory now.

It's funny how easily at times it is to forget that he is not here and how I still expect to find him “putzy'ng” in his shop. Yesterday, as I folded towels, it came to me that I still needed to get him something for his birthday, but as quickly as that flash came into my mind I realized that this year it would not be needed.

In my opinion 68 birthdays were not enough and certainly the 24 I shared with him all went so fast. Darrell lived life with a gusto that few do and although we all have sad times I think his life was full and filled with love. I know that he always made sure that I knew he loved me and I'm sure that he knew that I loved him. So as I quietly reflect on his life and birthday today I leave you with this beautiful song/poem that describes my heart today. Happy birthday sweetheart........

“You Were Loved”
Sung by Wynonna Judd

We all want to make our place in this world;
We all want our voices to be heard.

Everyone wants a chance to be someone;

We all have dreams we need to dream,

But sweeter than any star you can reach
Is when you reach and find you've found someone.

You'll hold this world's most priceless thing,

The greatest gift this life can bring,

If you can look back and know

You were loved.

You were loved by someone,

Touched by someone,

Held by someone,

Meant something to someone,

Loved somebody,

Touched somebody's heart along the way.

You can look back and say,

You were loved.

You can have diamonds in your hand,

Have all the riches in the land,
Without love do you really have a thing.

When someone cares that you're alive,

When someone finds their world in your eyes,

Then you'll know you've found all you need.

You'll hold this world's most priceless prize,

The sweetest treasure in this life,

If you can look back and know

You were loved.

So many roads that you can take,

Whatever way you go,

Don't take that road alone.

Better you know....
You were loved by someone,

Touched by someone,

Held by someone,

Meant something to someone,

Loved somebody,

Touched somebody's heart along the way.

You can look back and say,

You did OK

You were loved.
So remember to tell that one,

You are loved.